Naissance
by nyanja14
Summary: Even though I only want to believe in Ritsuka... Volume six from Soubi's perspective.


A/N: Well, I'm supposed to be finishing my Tsubasa fic, but instead I wound up writing this.  
I've always been very interested in hearing stories from another character's perspective, (number one reason why I love "Ender's Shadow" so much), and the way Yun Kouga draws Soubi's expressions have always left me wondering what the hell he was thinking about. Those two elements have smashed together and created this fic: volume six of Loveless from Soubi's perspective. I will be doing the whole volume, (though I only originally wanted to do one particular scene...), and if it is recieved well enough, I may even consider doing the whole series. Who knows? But if I've learned anything from writing this first chapter, it is that Soubi is a bitch to write! Any criticism will result in the sender being worshipped, as the person whom I would've usually channeled this through before posting is on vacation in Spain and away from easy internet access. This is my first time writing for Loveless, so I hope ya'll enjoy!

Disclaimer: Loveless does not belong to me in any shape, way, or form. All dialogue here is lifted straight from the English translation published by Tokyopop.

* * *

The phone rang nine times before directing him to the voice mail. Soubi hung up. He'd already left five messages and there wouldn't be much use for another, besides irritating Ritsuka.

Soubi had first tried calling Ritsuka in the morning, _mostly_ to inform him that he wouldn't be able to pick him up that afternoon because of the group exhibition he had to work on for class and _partly_ to see how angry Ritsuka still was with him after last night.

Ritsuka had been surprisingly sensitive towards ill comments about his mother. Soubi had meant to hold his tongue and not say anything rude about the woman as he had done before, but seeing Ritsuka so genuinely concerned over his mother lying in a drugged sleep on the floor, _his mother_ who had been screaming and spraying him down with icy water just hours before, had made it difficult to restrain himself.

Soubi didn't understand how Ritsuka could still care for the woman, regardless of whether she was his mother or not. Then again, Soubi didn't remember much about his parents or how he'd felt about them. He supposed they must have been good enough parents considering how much he'd miss them at first after their deaths, but then Ritsu-sensei had taken him to the academy just after the funeral and there had been so much to learn and so much to do until time had finally erased any memories Soubi had of his parents down to the barest bones.

And Ritsu-sensei had never been a parent.

So, maybe it was really just that Soubi _couldn't_ understand why Ritsuka still loved his mother. But all this was too hard to explain to Ritsuka and Soubi didn't think that Ritsuka would think it excused what he'd said about the woman anyway, so he hadn't intended to explain himself that morning. He'd just hoped that time to sleep would ease away Ritsuka's anger. Either that, or made him decide to punish Soubi in some manner, though that was doubtful.

_But then again_, Soubi thought as he dialed the number again and was directed back to voicemail, _maybe this is Ritsuka's way of disciplining me_. Soubi had always advised Ritsuka to punish him if he did something Ritsuka didn't like, _welcomed_ the punishment even as something familiar to hold unto in such strange surroundings. Ritsuka had certainly seemed mad enough to take him up on the offer last night, especially when Soubi refused to say anything about why he had a key to the Aoyagi house.

Soubi lowered his phone after his thirteenth unsuccessful call of the day. He'd tried six times in the morning, three times when he figured Ritsuka's class would be at lunch, and now four more times this afternoon. If Ritsuka was doing this as discipline, surely he would've turned his phone off by now out of sheer annoyance. But no, the phone was still ringing each time he called. Soubi didn't understand.

"Sou-chan, you're taking too many breaks." Kio stuck his head out the doorway, giving him his best imitation of a scowl. "This is a group exhibition. What are you going to do if we don't finish in time?"

"Kio," Soubi acknowledged, far too distracted to think about some painting project. "Don't worry."

Kio continued as though he hadn't heard Soubi. "I mean you paint quickly. That's annoying by itself. But making phone calls again?" Kio huffed and stepped out into the hall, putting a hand on his hip. "A girl? A boy? Or just Ritsuka?"

"Ritsuka is ignoring me," Soubi confessed, in lieu of an answer.

"Poor baby," Kio chuckled sarcastically, looking delighted. Almost sadistic, if that was possible for him. Kio hadn't met Ritsuka yet and still associated him Seimei, hating him nearly as much. Soubi, on the other hand, had already learned that Ritsuka had little in common with his former Sacrifice.

"Well, yeah." Soubi sighed, not bothering to explain why he felt so troubled. Kio wouldn't listen to it anyway, probably just call him a pervert. Instead, he changed the topic, voicing a desire he'd felt for a long time. "...I'd like to take Ritsuka and go do sketches. I'd like to draw flowers in the Southern Islands."

Kio's face softened. Soubi knew one of the few things Kio understood about him was that it wasn't often that he expressed what he wanted. Soubi existed only as equipment to be used—he wasn't supposed to want things. Lately, however, he hadn't been able to help himself.

It was safe to tell Kio about what he wanted though, because Kio wasn't Soubi's master. Soubi wasn't entirely sure what Kio was. Kio called himself Soubi's friend, a title Soubi had never allowed because he didn't know how to be a friend back to Kio. But Kio stuck around anyway, for some own reason of his that Soubi couldn't comprehend.

Kio leaned against the wall. "That nice." He hesitated. "Does Ritsuka sketch too?"

"Sure, but he's lousy at it." According to Yuiko-chan anyway. Ritsuka was always too embarrassed to draw in front of him, but if Yuiko-chan's giggling reports were to be believed, then Ritsuka was an absolutely miserable artist.

"Then you should teach him. It's fun to draw." Soubi wasn't sure if it was possible to teach someone something like art—didn't you have to already have the capability? No one had ever taught Soubi how to draw, at least not as far as he could recall. Besides, Soubi didn't think he'd be a very good teacher. Explaining was so hard.

Kio was still going on, not noticing Soubi's lapse in attention. "Or he could model for you," he suggested.

Soubi wasn't good at painting people; that was more Kio's thing. But even still, Ritsuka always went about with an expression that was meant to be captured somehow. "Ah, that's a good idea. I'd like to sketch Ritsuka." Of course, he couldn't sketch him if he couldn't see him…

Soubi clenched his phone, staring downward. Thirteen times and still nothing. _Ritsuka... Something's wrong. Usually he gives in to persistence_.

Soubi felt Kio's eyes upon him, observing his troubled stare at his cell phone. Suddenly, Kio sighed and rubbed the back of his head, tousling his curly hair. "Oh, Sou-chan. You act so cool, but you're a disaster at communicating." He held up a finger, as though he were chastising him gently. "Your relationship with Ritsuka needs to develop. It can't stay the same."

Soubi doubted Kio realized how true his words were. Even now, he and Ritsuka were still not bound, and Soubi was clueless as to how to remedy the issue. His relationship with Ritsuka was unlike any he'd had before, with Seimei or Ritsu-sensei. Ritsuka was too unwillingly to properly punish him and too young to properly govern him. Ritsuka was most certainly too young to take him, as his former teacher had done. For now, all Ritsuka could do with him was to kiss him and the years it would take for Ritsuka to be an acceptable age to embrace Soubi seemed like endless roads. Soubi was at a loss as what to do to bind himself further to his Sacrifice and the constant worry wore away at his mind.

Kio leaned into Soubi's space, smiling in an almost reassuring manner. "It isn't easy," he admitted, still talking about deepening relationships. "It takes a lot of hard work—but it's worth it."

Soubi smirked. "You're awfully wise today, Kio." It was unlike him to talk about subjects much deeper than the relative merits of different lollipop flavors.

"Come on, I'm serious," Kio protested, in a tone Soubi would've labeled as embarrassed if it had been anyone other than Kio. Kio was never bashful.

Soubi turned away, regarding his silent cell phone once more. "I know. Thank you, Kio." If nothing else, Kio words had convinced him to stop worrying about his fragile bond with his Sacrifice and do something about a matter that could be fix immediately. _He's not answering... Ritsuka?_ He tried to call him, but it was a futile attempt. Ritsuka still could not hear Soubi, nor had Soubi heard him call yet.

Soubi tucked his phone away and pulled off his smock, making his decision. It wasn't like Ritsuka to punish him, especially in such a round-about manner. The fact that he hadn't answered his phone all day could only mean he was in some sort of trouble. Soubi had to go find out what it was.

"I'm leaving," he informed Kio, entering the classroom again to return the smock and retrieve his things. Kio followed him, exasperated but seeming unsurprised.

"What about the exhibition?" he asked, watching Soubi put on his coat.

"I'll come in early and finish in the morning." The professor wouldn't mind; Soubi did paint faster than most and he always did good work, even in a hurry.

"Fine, fine," Kio muttered, waving him off. "I'll cover for you if professor asks after you."

"Thank you," Soubi replied yet again, mind already focusing on more urgent matters and feet already carrying him to more important places. Ritsuka would be safe; Soubi would see to it.

* * *

A/N: Damn... it's amazing what you can get out of only two pages of manga! I will be finishing the rest of the volume; if I'm a good, productive little girl I may even update again by the end of the week.  
Once again, all criticism is highly appeciated. Please review and tell me what you think!


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